There are just certain movie scenes with outstanding dialogue that never leave you. Now, if you think this is going to be one of those sappy blogs filled with heart-wrenching quotes from the Hollywood classics you may be disappointed. When it comes to being a film connoisseur, I’m more of a Coors Light kind of girl than a Cosmopolitan drinker.
So be prepared. That infamous CASABLANCA scene where Humphrey Bogart gazed into the damp eyes of Ingrid Bergman, gently lifted her chin, and uttered, “Here’s looking at you kid?” It did not make the cut.
Truth be told, I haven’t seen any of these films. I promise that I will, someday, but that’s what the rest of my life is for. I’m a product of pop culture. My favorite film dialogue reflects the inner me . . . a little rough around the edges, sarcastic, sassy, and definitely an acquired taste.
***** Quick VULGAR LANGUAGE alert. It’s not me, it’s the dialogue. Please don’t take offense. *****
So, without further adieu, let’s get to the list.
Number Ten: THE HANGOVER with Bradley Cooper (Phil Wenneck) and an overly exposed Alan (Zach Galifianakis).
Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.
Number Nine: AMERICAN BEAUTY with Kevin Spacey (Lester Burnham) and reflecting on his daughter Janie.
Lester: Janie’s a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that’s all going to pass, but I don’t want to lie to her.”
Number Eight: THELMA AND LOUISE with Susan Sarandon (Thelma).
Thelma: You shoot off a guy’s head with his pants down, believe me, Texas ain’t the place you want to get caught.
Jules: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… stop right there. Eatin’ a bitch out, and givin’ a bitch a foot massage ain’t even the same fuckin’ thing.
Vincent: It’s not. It’s the same ballpark.
Jules: Ain’t no fuckin’ ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of massage differs from mine, but, you know, touchin’ his wife’s feet, and stickin’ your tongue in her Holiest of Holies, ain’t the same fuckin’ ballpark, it ain’t the same league, it ain’t even the same fuckin’ sport. Look, foot massages don’t mean shit.
Vincent: Have you ever given a foot massage?
Jules: [scoffs] Don’t be tellin’ me about foot massages. I’m the foot fuckin’ master.
Vincent: Given a lot of ‘em?
Jules: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don’t be ticklin’ or nothin’.
Vincent: Would you give a guy a foot massage?
[Jules gives Vincent a long look, realizing he's been set up]
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You give them a lot?
Jules: Fuck you.
Vincent: You know, I’m getting kinda tired. I could use a foot massage myself.
Jules: Man, you best back off, I’m gittin’ a little pissed here.
Number Six: BRIDESMAIDS with Kristen Wiig (Annie Walker) and Maya Rudolph (Lillian). Lillian is about to have a massive, unsuppressable lower GI explosion in a wedding dress with no where to go.
Lillian (as she crouches closer to the ground with each step): It’s happening! It happened.
Annie: You’re really doing it, aren’t ya? You’re shitting in the street!
Number Five: SPANGLISH with Téa Leoni (Deborah Clasky) and Adam Sandler (John Clasky).
Deborah Clasky: Do you really think that cupping my breast is going to solve the issue here?
John Clasky: It’s worked before.
Deborah Clasky: Well, now it’s infuriating me.
John Clasky: Wrong breast.
Number Four: WAR OF THE ROSES with Kathleen Turner (Barbara Rose) and Michael Douglas (Oliver Rose).
Oliver Rose: I think you owe me a solid reason. I worked my ass off for you and the kids to have a nice life and you owe me a reason that makes sense. I want to hear it.
Barbara Rose: Because. When I watch you eat. When I see you asleep. When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in.
Number Three: FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF with Mathew Broderick (Ferris).
Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
Meridith Morton: I don’t care whether you like me or not!
Amy Stone: Of course you do!
And, Number One: THE DESCENDANTS with George Clooney (Matt King) confronting his comatose wife after just learning about her affair.
Matt King: Isn’t the idea of marriage to make your partner’s way in life a little easier? For me it was always harder with you. And you’re still making it harder. Lying there on a ventilator and still fucking up my life. You’re relentless.